A QUESTION OF FRIENDSHIP

An old question haunts me -- it troubles my sleep,
Refusing permission for my peace to keep.
I try to avoid it -- it won't be ignored.
Its taciturn clamor disrupts my accord.
I wake up the zombie that sleeps through my life --
Stand up to face the Truth's double-edged knife.
In this, Logic fails me -- I turn to the light
Of great Odin's mead which be-wings my insight.
So what then is friendship? Who is it decides
The meeting of strangers where-in a spark hides?
The breath of the gods? A gift from the Divine?
So must it be for the plans were not mine.
Yet embers need nurt'ring if flames are to grow --
Have I wrongly encouraged the bellows to blow?
How'd I forget I don't get to have friends? --
My world all tied neatly, there can't be loose ends.
Unfairly did I entice somebody near
On siren-song promises that can not appear?
Unfaithfully did I step out of the nest
Betraying the love with which my life is blessed?
Nay! I say no! That just isn't the way!
In these there is no room for honor to play!
So how to proceed? I haven't a clue.
What in the world would D'Artagnan do?
Forsake me a friend for another one's fears?
Maintain a friendship despite my wife's tears?
Perhaps this dilemma is sign of my growth --
My choice isn't either. My answer is both.
And what of my feelings? What of my thought?
Does the big twist in my gut count for naught?
I am not heartless -- I feel deep the pain
Of each dagger-drip from my wife's teardrop rain.
I'd die for the sake of this woman I love!
To complete me, her love is way more than enough.
So am I then wrong to want friends still beside?
Especially ones with their plumbing inside?
Can a true friend live caged in his friend's groundless fear?
Or truer outside to help all the fog clear?
And what of my new friend? Are feelings for her
Completely platonic -- no romantic purr?
I'd recognize Cupid, the song of his bow,
His arrow that struck half a lifetime ago.
Still in my heart where it pierced doth it lie,
From whence even cold-fingered Death can not pry.
This friendship is different and can not replace
The waking to morning sun lighting the face
Of she who fulfills me -- what more can I say?
Soul mates forever I vow, come what may.
Friendship, it's levels and shapes vary wide
With infinite encompassing expansion inside
With vast spanning tracts from the center to fringe
Without any reason or need to impinge.
Friends are reflections -- they mirror back our self.
What friend would put that back on the shelf?
The flow of my rhyming begins now to fade,
But has it relinquished a kernel of aid?
Through these old ramblings what did I learn?
When I'm in doubt it's to Honor I turn.
Two friends have I got and two friends shall I keep.
My river of friendship runs long and runs deep.
Once it is given, can not be repealed
No matter what hand from the fates we are dealed.
So what it comes down to, in short, in the end:
My answer's not having but being a friend.

~March 18, 2005